Wishful Thinking
by Anki-Shai
Summary: Finding what you want is a complete different thing from finding what you need. Rangiku and Toshiro would have to figure this out before either one of them end up with a broken heart and more than physical wounds.
1. Pretending is easier

**AN: **Hello people, some of you already know me some others don't. Well, I'm a real HitsuMatsu Fan that has been away for quite some time, I'm back right now with a new story and I would really love to hear your opinion about it. Before you read, however, I have to warm you that my native language is not English so I apologize beforehand for any grammar, spelling or other funy mistake you may find here.

For now, read and enjoy!

* * *

**Wishful Thinking**

**Chapter 1**

**Pretending is easier**

Maybe there was something wrong with her.

There must be, for the most important men in her life to overlook her, ignore her and, in the end, discharge her.

Should she be grateful they didn't look at her like a piece of meat? They had never looked at her with an improper leer or a stare filled with lust. If anything they held a trace of affection and some respect inside their eyes, they would never dedicate her the same stare other males in Seireitei did.

Why did Gin never try to be more straight-forward? Did he share her bed because it was convenient? Did he really love her? Did he love her as more than 'Ran-chan', the little girl he once saved, the friend, the woman that sometimes was a sibling, a comrade a lover?

Gin had left without having the courtesy to answer those questions. He left Rangiku wondering, with her heart aching for answers. Rangiku sighed tilting her head to the side as her eyes wandered to the figure in front of her.

If Gin had left Rangiku with a sense of uncertainty the man lying on the bed had her hanging over the edge of a high cliff.

Rangiku let out the air she had been holding since entering the room. Her eyes taking in the wounded form of her Taichou. The young man who was looking paler than ever, with an oxygen mask on his face and bandages covering each and every wound on his body.

He looked fragile, almost defeated.

The burning sensation in her eyes told Rangiku the blurring image was due to the tears forming in her eyes. Lifting her hand she tried to wipe them away before they had the chance to roll down her cheeks. Her Taichou needed someone strong, ready to carry the burden of his unconsciousness; he didn't need a weakling that would cry and whine about what had happened.

Once again, she was being a disappointment to him.

Moving from her spot under the threshold she took tentative and hesitant steps inside the hospital room. The more she walked inside the room she could sense the weak but constant presence of her taichou's reiatsu. It was touching hers, invitingly almost seductive as Rangiku approached him.

Now, close to his face, she could notice the small frown adorning his otherwise relaxed features. His arms were resting on top of the thin sheet to each side of his body, there was an IV feeding him some kind of drug. With a trembling hand Rangiku let her fingertips caress the cold, soft texture of her taichou's hand. In a bold movement she grabbed it between hers squeezing lightly while a sigh of relief left her lips.

There was nothing more real than her taichou's hand between hers, the feeling off his reiatsu caressing hers. Rangiku let her thumb caress Toshiro's hand, her eyes taking in every single inch of expose skin and covered wounds.

Toshiro, just like Hinamori, Ukitake, Kira, Soi Fon, Iba and so many others had been taken almost immediately to the Fourth. As soon as everyone breathed a sigh of relief at Aizen's dismissed. Rangiku had made sure her taichou was the first of the two of them to receive treatment; after all, thanks to Kira she was more or less heal. Her taichou however…

"You can talk to him, you know?" Rangiku turned around startled, her heart beating fast and her face frozen in a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression.

Unohana Retsu was standing by the door; her expression was softened by what she saw inside Rangiku's eyes. The tenderness with which she was grabbing the young Captains hand. You have to be a fool not to notice the feelings hiding behind those grey eyes.

It took Rangiku a moment; she lowered her head shaking it before letting go of her taichou's hand. Turning her body to face Unohana she smiled sadly, shrugging a little.

"No, I think…I'm not…" She turned to her taichou then back to Unohana. "It's not my voice he wants to hear. Either way, I better go, there is a lot of work back at the division and with Taichou here…I'm the one who has to do it. I can't let his division go any further without some order."

Unohana watched the retreating form of Matsumoto Rangiku; the woman turned her head to watch the still unconscious Toshiro.

"I've never seen her move so fast to get to work, Hitsugaya-taichou." She eyed the boy, her voice soothing but firm. "I wonder, if you ever notice the way she looks at you."

And, with that said, Unohana turned around and left.

* * *

Two days later Hitsugaya Toshiro woke up.

It took him about the same time to leave everything in order back at his division before disappearing to a secure, secret location. Toshiro wasn't the only one who would disappear for long periods of time to train, to become stronger. But, he was the only one Rangiku cared about.

She cared enough to follow him once in a while; she would never get close enough for him to sense her completely. Rangiku was careful enough to stay out of the way; she would hide behind some trees her back resting on their trunks while she felt the cold and windy atmosphere around her. Sometimes, if she was lucky, she would feel the tender caress of her taichou's reiatsu on her.

Today was one of those days in which it was only the two of them. When her taichou's presence would overwhelmed her in a way she always enjoyed or feared.

However, Rangiku didn't know if she should be feeling happy or worried. By the sounds coming from the cave she noticed her taichou wasn't in a pretty good mood. Rangiku could feel his spiritual pressure wavering, getting weaker or stronger as he kept pressing himself further into training.

Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't the pain inside her chest just…go away?

_It's so cold! Why are we even here, Rangiku?_

The woman wrapped her arms around her, her lips moving up to form a crooked smile directing her attention to her irritated zanpakutou. Haineko had been so silent lately her voice was like a refreshing cup of sake after a long afternoon of hard work.

'_Can you tell, Haineko? Taichou is down there…'_

Haineko huffed before settling herself lazily, closing her eyes while pretending to be asleep. The zanpakutou hid pretty well the fact she was worried about Rangiku. The end of the Winter War had made wounds that went beyond the physical body, it hurt the souls of those involved in it. Haineko opened one eye sighing, Rangiku was still hurting but her only worry, the only thing in her mind was the man training like a mad man inside the cave.

Even if Rangiku wanted to hide it and even denied it, Haineko knew better and she knew her mistress was hurting really bad right now. Rangiku was at the edge of a precipice with apparently no one to pull her back to notice just how much she needed to be saved.

Whether Haineko liked it or not, the only one with the power to push her or safe her was the man hidden away inside the cave.

There was a sudden flick of reiatsu followed by a scream of pain. Rangiku was running as fast as she could, biting her lower lip as the biting cold scratch her warm skin. It didn't take her too long to locate her taichou. The young man was on the ground, ice covering part of his body while his blood was spilled all over the place.

"Taichou!" She was on him in record time, the sting of tears burning in her eyes as she took in the fragile and bloodied form of the young man in front of her. He was unconscious, the wounds being covered by the ice.

She thanked silently at Hyourinmaru who seemed to be acting on his own, trying to keep Toshiro's blood at bay. Matsumoto took off her scarf and placed it on top of the bigger wound, the one that hadn't heal completely after Aizen's attack.

"Silly, taichou." Rangiku held the tears trying to roll down her cheeks and she held the sob trying to escape her lips. "Why did you have to do this just after you left the Fourth?"

There was certain tenderness behind Rangiku's touch, even if she didn't notice what she was doing Hyourinmaru and Haineko were paying close attention. The ice covering Toshiro's body started cracking, falling to the ground as Matsumoto lifted him on her arms.

Hyourinmaru felt a new sense of respect towards Matsumoto; he had never seen so much care directed at his master in the way the woman was showing. Her reiatsu was enveloping his master without overwhelming his own spiritual pressure. She was trying to protect him.

_Where is she taking my master, Haineko? _The ash-cat lowered her head uncomfortably while trying to not feel intimidate by the ice dragon.

_She is taking him to a save house. We haven't been there since…_

Haineko didn't say anything else but, at some point, Hyourinmaru understood. The ice dragon didn't know if he would like to go to some place where Ichimaru Gin and Shinsou had been before, he knew his master would hate it but right now what Toshiro needed was the woman holding him on her arms.

* * *

The place was at the outskirts of one of Rukongai districts, it was a small cottage hidden behind a dense forest. The place was just as Rangiku had left it months ago. There was some dust here and there but the essentials were still in place. Rangiku hesitated before placing her captain on the futon with Hyourinmaru just beside him.

There was some heaviness in her movements, a sign of tiredness that wasn't there before. Her eyelids felt heavy, her feet were aching but she just stood up and went to a small cupboard where she had some supplies mainly tea, sake and some other stuff enough to get through at least three days. For a second Rangiku's eyes focused on a jar containing her favorite tea. She had written down her name on it and as her hand moved to the jar she could almost hear the mocking sound of Gin's voice inside her head.

"_Uh? Gyokuro? Since when do you drink this?"_

_Rangiku gritted her teeth when she felt the warm in her cheeks, lowering her head so Gin couldn't notice the blush forming there she answer trying to act distractedly._

"_I don't know what are you talking about…I just…bought it."_

"_Uh-uh, it looks eerie familiar, Ran-chan. Ain't this the one your lil' taichou drinks?"_

Rangiku shook her head in an attempted to scare away the memories as she returned her attention to the mission at hand. Once she put some water on the improvised stove, she went to another small cupboard she had near the futon. In there she found something else that would help her out: bandages, medicine and that special ointment she stole from Ikkaku.

Rangiku kneeled beside Toshiro taking off his haori first, making sure she fondled it neatly and place it beside her Captain. Her hand stopped mid-way, trembling lightly showing signs of hesitation. The woman couldn't help but chuckled softly, shaking her head in an incredulous gesture.

This was absurd.

Her taichou was unconscious, hurt and probably needed her help and her support and there she was, being selfish, thinking about her own feelings. With a determination flashing in her gray eyes she untied his obi to make it easier to remove his kosode. There were some cuts there, scratches, blood and the wound inflicted by Aizen had opened slightly.

She tended to his wounds cleaning them carefully before applying some of the ointment she got from Ikkaku before covering them with some of the bandages. Once she was done she put some bed sheets on top of her taichou making him as comfortable as she could.

_Rangiku?_ There was an unasked question behind Haineko's tone; Rangiku shook her head making it clear with her silence she wasn't ready to talk yet.

"What do you say if we drink some tea before taking a nap?" Asked Matsumoto to her zanpakutou, Haineko snorted placing her head on top of her front paws.

_I'm taking the nap now. Maybe later you can answer me what you never answered Gin._

Rangiku snorted while serving some tea in her favorite cup, Gin's voice echoing inside her head.

"_Ne, Ran-chan, do you love your taichou?"_

* * *

**AN: **Gyokuro is a kind of green tea, as far as I could find it's pretty expensive and special. So this is it, the first chapter...tell me what you think and we'll see how it goes from here.

Thank you for reading and would love to hear your comments, opinions, ideas and everything else.


	2. Denial

**AN: **So, this was suppose to be longer but I just couldn't...and then I got distracted and life got in the way. Well, here is the update. I'm so happy you guys enjoy the first chapter. I really hope you like this one as well.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Denial**

He opened his eyes startled.

His muscles protested at the sudden movement, his eyes closed as soon as they registered a soft light near them. He took a deep breath to shut up the moan threatening to escape his mouth. The pain was bearable if he didn't move, speak, or even breathe.

_Yes, bearable_. A deep, hoarse voice commented dryly inside Hitsugaya Toshiro's head. The young Captain of the Tenth Division proceeded to open his eyes again, this time slowly and methodically.

_I hope, Master, that you aren't feeling too crappy so I can berate you for your irresponsible behavior._

The concern was well-hidden behind the dry tone and those words brought a soft, genuine smile to Toshiro. It was always a relief when his zanpakutou was worried about him.

"What happened? Where am I?" Toshiro couldn't help but frown as his voice sounded tired, filled with pain. The ice dragon remained silent as his young Master shifted slowly to his side; he was struggling to sit up when his eyes fell on the sleeping form of his fukutaichou.

The woman had fallen asleep with her back resting against the closest wall; her head hanging to one side while her arms rested neatly on her lap. Hyourinmaru stirred with curiosity as his master obliged himself to stare at the woman sleeping in front of him.

Matsumoto looked pale; she had bags under her eyes - a sign she had been awake until recently. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes had fallen open showing more cleavage than usual (which was a whole lot).

_Rangiku's face is a little higher than the spot you're looking at so intently, Toshiro_. The young man felt his cheeks warm at the teasing tone in Hyourinmaru's voice. Toshiro turned his head sharply with indignation as he frowned to the ceiling.

_You better start controlling that temper of yours, Toshiro. You're freezing her._

Toshiro turned, once again, to face Matsumoto and for the first time he noticed her lightly shivering, lips tinged blue and teeth chattering. Feeling heaviness on his muscles, a sign he was just recovering from his injuries, Toshiro finally stood up.

With some hesitation and a lot of question on his mind, Toshiro approached the woman with a trembling hand. His fingertips brushed Matsumoto's warm skin as he observed her with a confused frown. She had an expression of pure tiredness. If he was honest with himself, he had only seen his fukutaichou this tired twice. Both times Ichimaru Gin had been the one to blame for her lack of real rest.

For some reason he couldn't understand, Toshiro clenched his fist while evading his fukutaichou's face. Just how bad was the hold the man had on Matsumoto?

_It wasn't Ichimaru, you know? This time, the state she is in isn't because of him. She is this tired because of you._

Toshiro almost gasped at the sight of his zanpakutou's materialized form standing beside him. The man looked down to his Master before kneeling beside the woman and picking her up in his arms.

"I could…I should be doing that." Hyourinmaru raised an eyebrow, his eyes gleaming with interest and amusement.

_And, why is that, Toshiro?_ The young man stared at Hyourinmaru, well-aware he was feeling a wave of embarrassment coming from him. Why, indeed?

"I…I just thought…" Toshiro felt an eyebrow twitch when he heard the soft chuckled coming from Hyourinmaru. "She is my fukutaichou! It's my duty!"

_Of course, of course… that's why I'm helping you. Since I'm your zanpakutou it shouldn't be a problem, right?_

Toshiro opened his mouth only to close it again, with a heavy sigh he shrugged. "I guess not."

But, even as he said it his teal eyes were following Hyourinmaru very closely. The zanpakutou grabbed the woman tenderly, bringing her closer to his chest before kneeling on the futon and placing her there with a gentleness Toshiro didn't know his zanpakutou possessed.

There was an unpleasant feeling awakening in him at the sight of Hyourinmaru's hand brushing aside Matsumoto's bangs. He neared them both, kneeling beside Hyourinmaru, tilting his head to the side. Toshiro saw his haori and it was at that moment he noticed the state he was in. He was only with his hakama pants; his chest was naked save for the bandages on the places where he had hurt himself.

_She took of your kosode so she could take care of your wounds. You overexerted yourself; you were bleeding and unconscious when she got there._

Toshiro turned to look at Hyourinmaru with open, curious eyes. Hyourinmaru had never shown this kind of care or respect to someone besides Toshiro. While the dragon held some protective instincts thanks to his own master's feelings, they had always been limited by the dragon's own will. Right now, Hyourinmaru was showing Hitsugaya something he had never shown toward anyone in the way he was caring for Matsumoto.

Respect and protectiveness. But above all else, there was affection.

Just, what the hell happened while he was out? And why did his zanpakutou seem so fond of the woman? Why…why was he…? Toshiro shook his head; thoughts that he had never allowed in him were trying to get back. This time in the form of his zanpakutou instead of that of Ichimaru Gin.

Toshiro staggered slowly to the bed, his eyes drifting to his haori resting neatly beside the futon he had been resting on. Taking it with him he covered Rangiku making sure the woman was warm enough without waking her up. Rangiku shivered under the weight of the bed covers and the haori, snuggling closer while nuzzling the haori. A soft, gentle smile drew on her face.

"Toshiro…" Both Toshiro and Hyourinmaru gasped, staying completely still as the woman rolled over to her side after mumbling Toshiro's name.

"I think…I…need to go back to the Tenth." Toshiro stood up rather hastily looking around for his clothes while evading the piercing stare Hyourinmaru was directing his way.

_Master…_ Hyourinmaru watched as his Master moved around trying to evade any kind of confrontation. His movements were filled with a giddiness Hyourinmaru knew too well. The same kind Toshiro always used around his fukutaichou, Matsumoto Rangiku; the same giddiness he used when in denial.

_Master, I think…_ Hyourinmaru shut up as he felt the sudden flickering on his Master's reiatsu.

Toshiro shook his head clenching his fist while snapping his head to the side, teal eyes devoid of any light as he glanced at some point on the ground.

"Let's go back." Toshiro picked up his worn and quite damage kosode and put it on. "My division needs me."

Before Hyourinmaru returned to his sealed form he saw out of the corner of his eye the reason behind the sudden change. There, resting on top of a coffee table with freshly placed chrysanthemums was a picture of Ichimaru Gin holding Matsumoto in a rather intimate way. The ice dragon couldn't help the bitter smile that appeared on his face.

So his master was in denial after all.

* * *

**AN: **So, this is what Toshiro is thinking about and well, his vision of what is happening. I do really hope you all like this chapter. I really love your comments and would like to hear what you have to hear about this one. I'm open to suggestions, ideas, request and other things you may want me to consider for the story.

Thanks for the reading!


	3. What about now?

**AN: **Oh, yes I'm back with a new chapter. This took thois long because I was blocked and didn't know how to continue. This was a hard work and I would love to hear your opinion about it. More author's note at the end, for now read and enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**What about now?**

The thing about liking your superior officer was the heartache you were surely going to get by being so close to him but, at the same time, being unable to be _close _to him.

The incident in which Rangiku took care of Toshiro was soon forgotten and never mentioned. Rangiku was confused, she woke up with his haori protecting her from the cold but he wasn't around. He wasn't even in his office when she tried to catch up with him later that same day. He was avoiding her. She could see the panic in his eyes, the uncomfortable movement of his shoulders while he looked for someone to pretend to be talking to so he wouldn't have to face _her._

It was frustrating, but Rangiku has been dealing with frustrating males for a very long time.

So, she did what she thought was the best thing she could do. She ignored it and now three weeks later she was driving herself crazy over a platonic relationship with her Captain.

"You look miserable." Rangiku lifted her eyes to see Kyouraku Shuunsui looking down at her with a half-smile on his face and a bottle of sake on his hand. "Care if I join in?"

"Feel free to do so, Kyouraku-taichou."

"Ouch, must be a really bad thing for you to call me so formally." Kyouraku commented while sitting himself beside Rangiku.

"I think I am destined to be all alone and miserable." Rangiku sighed tilting her head so she could observe the man beside her. "Maybe, I should get a cat or something. I could become the crazy cat lady of Seireitei."

Kyouraku chuckled shaking his head while pouring some sake on a saucer he brought with him. Rangiku eyed the small offering before sitting straight and drinking in one shoot. The Captain of the Eight Division frowned while contemplating the actions from the woman sitting beside him. They have known each other since the very first day Rangiku set a foot on the Gotei 13 and this was the first time Kyouraku felt something was really wrong with her.

Suddenly, she tensed gasping while her hand moved nerviously to her hair. A strange reaction if Shuunsui said so himself. Following the gleaming stare of the woman he finally found the source of such a peculiar behavior.

Hitsugaya Toshiro was strolling down the street with Byakuya and Ukitake right beside him, the young man was silent while Ukitake seemed pretty serious about whatever subject they were speaking of. Rangiku followed the young man and, for a brief moment, teal eyes locked with those grey ones.

It was all it took for Kyouraku to raise an eyebrow and empty the bottle in one shoot. Then, Toshiro frowned and turned his head and Rangiku was left with the same mood she had been for the last few weeks.

"Oh, I see." Rangiku, startled, turned around remembering she wasn't alone and she felt mortified under the cheeky smile Kyouraku was giving her.

"Oh, please, tell me I'm not that obvious."

"Okay." Rangiku let out a groan hiding her face under her arms. Kyouraku placed his hand on her shoulder squeezing reassuringly while speaking. "Don't worry, if it is any consolation I think _he_ is the only one who hasn't noticed anything."

"Ugh."

And that was the problem, wasn't it? He didn't notice, he didn't care. His heart has an owner already and it certainly wasn't Rangiku. The young woman felt heaviness in her chest and tears in her eyes. She felt pathetic, this wasn't the Rangiku everyone knew and loved; this was the Rangiku she liked to keep secret.

"I just…I thought it would be different with him. It started this one day after a hard training session, he just sat beside me and we started talking and laughing and he was so carefree."

Kyouraku was looking ahead of him hearing as Rangiku narrated the story of her feelings, how it all began for her. She still had her head resting on her arms; the afternoon light was slowly fading away while the fresh air brought to them the smell of the different gardens around them.

"I couldn't help but…I mean, you should see him! He was adorable! That tiny smile, those teal eyes sparkling with happiness…" Rangiku groaned and hid her face again. "I am in so much trouble."

"Being in love is not the same as being in trouble, Ran-chan."

"Maybe, but being in love and the love being unrequired may be a lot of trouble for me."

Rangiku stared at Kyouraku with fresh tears on her eyes and Kyouraku decided to not say anything else. At least, for the moment, it was obvious to him Rangiku had reached a point in which she would either explode or fade away…letting her own feelings untouched as long as she has assured her she didn't have to face the rejection, which was just perfect for her.

Kyouraku did the only thing he could think of in a situation like this one, he wrapped his arm around the woman and brought her closer to him. "Everything is going to be okay, Rangiku. Don't worry."

Rangiku cried silently wanting to believe Kyouraku's words.

* * *

Ukitake Juushiro watched out of the corner of his eye as the young man walking beside him lowered his eyes and the frown he has been wearing for three weeks deepened. He saw the sudden change the young man suffered when his eyes found those of his fukutaichou. For Ukitake, it was utterly cute to see how those two youngsters seemed to be dancing around one another; but at the same time, he felt the pain and sorrow that came with the fact neither of them seemed ready to take their platonic relationship a step further.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou seem quiet lovely today, although a little sad." Ukitake could actually feel his mouth open, his jaw hanging as his eyes turned to stare at the heir of the Kuchiki Clan.

Toshiro almost tripped and his neck hurt at the hasty movement he did to turn around and face Byakuya. The Captain of the Six Squad raised a single eyebrow and observed at the two white-hair men with a solemn expression.

There weren't any signs of a smile, or prank on his face. He actually meant what he said and Toshiro crossed his arms, his jaw setting itself on a tight gesture. However, neither Ukitake nor Toshiro seemed to find the right words to utter their thoughts.

"It is probably none of my business, of course, seeing as she isn't part of my Division." Continued Byakuya and Ukitake seemed quite enchanted by what the man was about to say next. This certainly wasn't the Byakuya he knew at all.

"But, would you, Hitsugaya-taichou, mind if I invited her over for tea some time?" Ukitake could actually feel his jaw hit the ground, out of the corner of his eye he could see the murdering intent coming from Toshiro.

"Why would I mind that, Kuchiki-taichou?" The only indication of emotion Ukitake could see from Byakuya was the slightly opening of the man's eyes and the strange gleam coming from them. Ukitake wasn't sure if Byakuya was amused by the hate-charge tone on Toshiro's voice or merely annoyed by it.

"Matsumoto is free to date anyone she wants and you certainly can do as you please."

"I never said the word 'date', but thank you for clearing that up for me. I will keep it in mind."

Oh, dear gods, what the hell was wrong with the world today? Ukitake was actually watching the most stoic man in the whole Seireitei trapping the boy genius in a single conversation. And this interest…what the hell was happening? Byakuya kept his eyes locked with Toshiro's ones, they stayed like this for a few more seconds before Byakuya spoke again.

"Shall we? I think everything is set for a nice afternoon tea and then we can speak about the changes in schedule the both of you told me about."

"Uh, eh…yes, yes of course. Let's go." Ukitake chuckled nervously scratching the back of his head he turned his eyes from Toshiro to Byakuya until the later turned around and continued his walk. Toshiro stood there watching into nothingness until a hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

"Let's go, Hitsugaya-kun." Toshiro gave a short nod and the two of them were after Byakuya.

If Juushiro was honest with himself this was most uncomfortable. It was one of the worst meetings he had the obligation to assist. It was pretty obvious Byakuya's comment had Hitsugaya in a bad mood. It was also obvious Byakuya was making sure to be polite and diplomatic in his treating of Toshiro while, at the same time, vexed the young Captain of the Ten Division. It was so subtle that Toshiro didn't know how to answer correctly and Ukitake didn't know how to stop it.

Sometimes Byakuya would start speaking about the schedules and the organization of the divisions and suddenly he would make mentions regarding Gin, Rangiku and either their relationship, their roles on the Winter War, their roles on each other's life or Byakuya's friendship with Gin and his sudden interest in the young woman.

Ukitake hadn't said anything for as long as the meeting has been going on. All the talk has been done by Byakuya and Toshiro. But, after two hours, it seemed as if Toshiro was finally reaching the breaking point. In all this time, Ukitake hasn't been able to discover just what Byakuya's purpose was.

"I think this it for me. Excuse me." Ukitake opened his mouth to try and stop Toshiro but it was already late. The young Captain left in the blink of an eye without giving Ukitake the chance to say anything.

Once he turned around to face Byakuya he noticed a curve of the lips and a satisfied expression on the Kuchiki heir's face.

"Care to explain to me what just happened?"

"Certainly." Byakuya took a long sip from his tea and indicated the place next to him. Reluctantly, Ukitake took it and waited for the explanation.

"Have you been talking with your zanpakutou lately, Ukitake?" This question caught the Captain of the Thirteen Division by surprised. The man blinked shaking his head.

"Ah, see, mine hasn't stop talking about something…I found interesting." The last part was said with a hint of longing in the man's voice. There was a softening of his features and Ukitake almost had a heart attack at the display of so many emotions from the ever stoic Kuchiki Byakuya.

"Let me tell you what I found out, perhaps you can help."

* * *

Toshiro threw with frustration his haori to the darkest corner of his home. He moved past the main room towards and adjacent hall moving down the long corridor to a single grey door. Once inside, he fell heavily on his favorite chair right in front of a bookshelf.

He glared with a cold intensity that would have frozen the shelf if his eyes had that kind of power. He tried to organize his thoughts, to get a hold of his feelings but everything seemed such an arduous task. Byakuya's words kept running inside his head, the sight of Matsumoto with Kyouraku (so close, so intimate) was still dancing in his head. Ginb's picture was always there, tormeting him along with Hinamori's wounded form and Matsumoto's sad smile.

He just didn't understand why this was hunting him so much. He had made it clear a few decades ago that he didn't care.

_Perhaps because you care. I still don't know why you keep denying yourself a glimpse of happiness…_

Toshiro didn't need to turn to know Hyourinmaru was standing right behind him. There is a sudden silence in which Toshiro let his eyes rest on the only picture adorning his personal office. It was a picture of him along with Hinamori and Matsumoto. Both were smiling widely while grabbing Toshiro by his arms, he was glaring at the camera but the upwards curve of his lips betrayed his real feelings.

"Do you remember the conversations I used to have with Hinamori?" Hyourinmaru scowled but said nothing; he let his young master speak waiting for the right moment to intervene. "Or Matsumoto?"

Mumbled Toshiro watching the picture, his hand clenched in a tight fists. Hyourinmaru kneeled beside Toshiro grabbing his hand to stop the sudden bleeding due to Toshiro's nails ripping right through the skin. The zanpakutou watched tenderly his young master and made sure Toshiro was looking at him before he spoke.

_Master, what happened during the Winter War wasn't your fault. What happened to Hinamori wasn't your fault. You have to let go…you have to stop looking behind you and start looking ahead of you because you're missing so many things that are worth fighting forth. That are worth waking up every morning…_

"How can you say that when Hinamori is resting on a bed in the Fourth Division and Matsumoto…" Here Toshiro trailed off, he stood up and made his way towards the door. "I'm tired I'm going to sleep."

Once Toshiro was out the door Hyourinmaru hit the armrest of the chair, _I have the most stubborn and foolish master…_ The zanpakutou smiled softly shaking his head. _This would be more difficult than I thought. _

* * *

**AN: **Yes, I know it's short and it probably didn't explain alot, but I promise next chapter would be longer and have a lot of explanations. For now, I would happily hear your comments, opinions and requests, if you have some

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!


	4. Welcome to our silly lives

**AN: **Because you guys gave me lovely reviews here is the next chapter. I love Rangiku, I really do...so, don't worry too much about her...And I won't say anything else, for now read and enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Welcome to our silly lives**

Hitsugaya Toshiro should win a prize for his abilities at avoiding direct contact or any kind of emotional confrontation with his fukutaichou. He was a master in this particular area and he knew it was soon enough come to hunt him down.

So far he had been able to pretend his absence from the Division was due to his work as a Captain. He also was smart enough to make sure Matsumoto had enough work outside the office so he could go back, once in a while, to make some of the paperwork. But he was running out of excuses to keep this up and he was actually starting to believe he was a complete idiot for starting this game in the first place.

He fixed his haori, fixed his hair and then he wondered why the hell was he doing all of this. He could feel the patronizing smile from Hyourinmaru, could actually sense as his zanpakutou amused himself with Toshiro's actions. And the young man was frustrated; he didn't understand what the hell was happening to him.

Toshiro turned left in the closest street and stopped dead on his tracks when he noticed Matsumoto Rangiku standing just outside the main doors of the Ten Division. However, the woman wasn't alone.

Kuchiki Byakuya seemed to be standing too close to her, and Rangiku seemed way to confortable around the heir of the Kuchiki Clan. Then she started laughing, the sound reaching his ears as the woman placed a hand on her mouth to keep her giggles in check. Toshiro narrowed his eyes when, surreptitiously, Byakuya sneaked his arm around Rangiku.

To an outsider it would seem as if the man was merely leaning closer, an innocent movement, nothing to be worried about. However, Toshiro's position gave him a more accurate visual of said contact. The man brought Rangiku closer to him, his hand was wrapped intimately around her hips and suddenly Rangiku was blushing.

Matsumoto Rangiku did not blush. EVER.

Hyourinmaru smirked, although, if he was honest he was feeling all of his Master's conflictive feelings. It was unnerving to feel rage, jealousy, sadness, confusion and murder intent all in one single wave.

_Are you going to keep watching or are you actually going to do something?_

Toshiro didn't answer he just kept watching as Rangiku giggled again shaking her head while Byakuya would simply raise an eyebrow. What Toshiro had neglected to notice was the third person accompanying the couple until he found his teal eyes watching directly into amber ones.

The young man almost jumped as he saw amusement in those eyes. Shihoin Yoruichi smirked at the young Captain; she arched an eyebrow and dared Toshiro, with her eyes, to do something. Anything.

Toshiro could actually feel his cheeks get warm, red and pretty much a giveaway of how utterly embarrassed he felt at being discovered while spying.

Yoruichi from her part was enjoying this way too much. Whoever said Byakuya was a cold bastard didn't really know the real Byakuya. The man was a genius, he knew how to get what he wanted and whatever he wanted out of _this_ he would get it.

Yoruichi watched the sudden change in those grey eyes, she knew Byakuya had noticed Toshiro's presence and he was actually amused by it. He made everything in his power to act more intimate, more open to Rangiku.

"I look forward to our _meeting_, Matsumoto-fukutaichou." He said loud enough for the approaching Ten Division Captain to hear it. "I'll be waiting for you later tonight. Farewell, for now."

"Good job, Rangiku. Byakuya-bo is a real catch." Yoruichi winked at Toshiro and then went to follow Byakuya who merely glared at the laughing woman.

Rangiku chuckled shaking her head and turning around. It was only then she noticed the presence of her taichou and for the first time in about five weeks she found herself looking face to face to him.

His facial features were tight, pressed together in a harsh, contained gesture. As if he was mad about something but couldn't or wouldn't let it go. His teal eyes were cold daggers looking directly into Rangiku's eyes.

"G-Good morning, Taichou." She felt a tingling down her back spreading to her stomach making her heart beat just a tad faster. Toshiro's stare last a few more seconds before he turned around and entered the division.

"Good morning, Matsumoto." Was all he said before disappearing inside the building.

Matsumoto stood there, hurt by the coldness from her taichou. Then, a sad, small smile appeared on her face and she held onto her tears. She should be used by now. Shaking her head she put on a bright smile and ran inside the building greeting the rest of the squad and going directly to the office. Today promised to be a long day.

* * *

If he was completely honest with himself, which he sure as hell wasn't about to be now, he never imagined THIS.

He being pressed against a wall, being unable to move with a woman leaning dangerously close to his lips and a wicked gleam in her eyes. He tried to remain composed, uninterested and professional about it. But, by the way said woman was purring and chuckling, her warm breath brushing against his skin…he knew he was failing miserably.

"So, do tell me, Byakuya-bo,why the sudden interested in Ran-chan?" Trying to get a sense of control over the situation Byakuya grabbed Yoruichi's wrists; the woman's smirk merely grew as she took another step closer to the man.

"Is there a problem I decided to socialize with her?"

Yoruichi snorted rolling her eyes, "Oh, please that idiotic attempt at flirting that you display moments ago for Hitsugaya-taichou's benefit only fool the poor boy…but not me. Tell me, what are you scheming, Byakuya-bo?"

"Stop calling me that." Byakuya glared at the woman who arched a challenging eyebrow. "Why the sudden interest, Yoruichi? This has nothing to do with you, so why don't you go back to umph…"

Shihoin Yoruichi liked simple things. If she wants something, she just goes for it. There was nothing else in between not 'what ifs' or 'Buts' nothing like that. She had learnt, a long time ago, that she had to fight for what she wanted, she had to take it or time would, eventually, take it away from her.

That was why she grabbed Byakuya's haori with his hands and put the man closer to her until her lips collided with his.

Byakuya for his part didn't know what was happening. Sure, he had kissed a girl before, Sure, he know how to do it, and how to do it right if Yoruichi's purrs of approval were a sign. But he never thought…He was pretty sure she and Urahara…

_I think, Master, you're in huge trouble…_

Really? Byakuya didn't need any word of advice or any obvious fact point out by his zanpakutou. Not when he seemed to be enjoying this kiss way too much more than he cared to admit.

* * *

The day was in fact a long one.

It was also a pretty stressful one.

Rangiku couldn't understand what all the tension between her and her Taichou was about. It wasn't sexual, of that Rangiku was sadly pretty sure. It was more…anger than anything. But, Matsumoto Rangiku didn't let her Taichou's attitude affected her, at least, not too much.

She would smile and offer him tea; she would bring his lunch and then tried to fill some of the paperwork. She would go out and get into a fight with Haineko, and then she would speak with some of the Squad members and started the training of the new recruits. All the while trying to get her Taichou to at least smile and acknowledge her presence.

But, every time she was close to accomplishing it, something happened and Toshiro would shut down.

Rangiku was confused; she didn't know what to do or how to do it.

"Taichou!" Her sing-song voice made the young man scowled, his eyes were moving left and right on the paper he was reading as the door snapped open and Matsumoto appeared there wearing a huge smile and bringing with her a covered plate.

Toshiro lifted his eyes, eyed the woman and then went back to the paper he was reading. "What is it, Matsumoto?"

The woman faltered for a second before entering the room bouncing happily until she stood in front of Toshiro's desk. Leaning in she made sure Toshiro couldn't ignored the fact she was pretty close to him.

The young Captain lifted his head and found out how close the woman was to him. Rangiku smiled and took the cloth covering the plate off of it.

"I brought you a little snack before I go."

The sweet smell of natto reached Toshiro's nostrils and suddenly the report was forgotten and the young man seemed pretty interested in the contents of the plate. He allowed himself a soft, tender smile as he grabbed the plate from Matsumoto raising his eyes to her.

"Thank you."

"You're most welcome, Taichou. Everything for my Captain!" She said giggling excited while winking at him, this earned her a soft blush that made her squeal in delight and do what she had been hoping to do since he woke up after the Winter War.

Toshiro soon enough found himself between two familiar flesh pillows, soft and sweet against his face while he tried against all hope to fight off the hug.

"Get off!" He tried to scream but Rangiku made sure she had him tight against her.

Once the woman detached from him Toshiro went to glare at her when suddenly…

"Wait, what do you mean: 'before you go'?" Toshiro frowned at her whereas Rangiku blinked back innocently. "Where are you going?"

Taken aback, Rangiku blinked a couple of times before replying, "Oh, well, Kuchiki-taichou asked me to go over for an afternoon tea. He said there was something important he needed to ask me and I thought…who would say no to Kuchiki Byakuya? So, I said yes."

All at once, the cheerful almost confortable atmosphere changed once more to the awkward charge of tension one.

"Of course, who would say no to him?" Toshiro said with coldness tingeing his voice. "Then, you're dismissed for the day, Matsumoto. We wouldn't want to make him wait."

_Okay, if that's not a jealous reaction I don't know what it is…see? This is what I've been telling you? He…_

_´Not now, Haineko. Not now.´_

Not wanting to upset her Taichou, Rangiku left soon after leaving the young man still frowning down at the papers on his desk.

_'What the hell is wrong with me?'_

* * *

Matsumoto Rangiku had never been inside the Kuchiki compound. Sure, since she and Rukia became some sort of friends she had visited a couple of times. Especially now that the young woman felt so melancholic due to Ichigo's absence.

But, to actually be inside the mansion was another matter. The place screamed money, class and aristocracy. Everything was in the right place, the colors, the forms and the implements all fit the general atmosphere of the building. It gave Rangiku a sense of fantasy, of being inside a fairy-tale instead of a real life place.

Then, Kuchiki Byakuya appeared wearing his personal haori tied up with a golden strong and a blue kimono under it. He seemed flustered, his eyes have a strange gleam and he seemed nervous. As Matsumoto went to greet him she could swear she heard someone behind the door the man had just appeared from.

"Ah, Matsumoto-fukutaichou, thank you for joining me."

"No, sir, thank you for inviting me although…I'm still confused about the invitation."

Byakuya nodded curtly while indicating Matsumoto to follow him. Another thing she noticed was the lack of servants wherever they moved. It was as if the Kuchiki heir made them all disappeared from the places he knew they would be passing. After so many turns and turns they finally arrived to a small dining room. It was quite confortable and private. There were two different set of tables with flowers on them. In the middle of the room there was a round table with two cushion one in front of the other.

On the table there were two different sets of cutlery with a matching dinner service. Everything was warm and smelled delicious; Matsumoto could actually feel her stomach groan in approval and impatience.

Once again, Byakuya indicated Rangiku to go ahead and take a seat. With some reluctance, seeing as this situation was turning out to be more awkward that Rangiku care to admit, the young woman sat down and waited.

They started eating in silence and Rangiku had never taste something so delicious and mouthwatering as the different kind of sweets, pastries and the tea itself. After what seemed like an eternity but actually were just a few minutes Byakuya started talking.

"I know you're wondering why I have invited you over today." Rangiku stopped eating nodding her head, Byakuya observed her for a moment before continuing. "I think aside from you, I was the only person who Ichimaru Gin would speak with certain…freedom."

This declaration made Rangiku stop what she was doing and pay close attention to the man in front of her. Almost immediately, Byakuya could notice the change in her. The tensing of the shoulders, the wariness in her eyes, the pursed of her lips. It was evident this wasn't the first time someone mentioned to her Ichimaru Gin and, it seemed, as if those previous times weren't favorable to the man.

Regardless of what he did, Ichimaru Gin still represents the world to Matsumoto. He was the first one to pay attention to her without being depraved about it. Byakuya knew it and he meant it when he said Ichimaru Gin would speak with him in ways the Captain of the Six Squad never seen the man do before.

"It was a week before Kurosaki arrived to Soul Society for the first time." Byakuya continued ignoring the strange looks Matsumoto was giving him. "He approached me late at night while I was sleeping…"

Here, Byakuya rolled his eyes trying to hold onto the exasperate gesture wanting to appear on his face. Rangiku's eyebrows went up at this piece of information for she had known Gin's stupid habit to wake up whoever he pleased just because it was fun; but to actually do this to Kuchiki Byakuya…By the heavens, what else did she not know about Gin?

"The man had not sense of boundaries or social rules."

_Oh, well, at least he seems to really know Gin…_

"But that day instead of sending him away as I usually did, I could see he was worried about something." This time he did turn to stare at Rangiku who had the cup of tea half way to her mouth and was watching with disbelief and curiosity at him.

"The complete contests of our conversation that night are not for you to worry too much, Matsumoto-fukutaichou. There is, however, one piece of that conversation that I deem necessary for you to know."

"What…What is it?"

"He asked me to make sure you would do nothing foolish like denied yourself a little bit of happiness."

To say Rangiku looked taken aback was an understatement. She was utterly shocked and she didn't realize the tea has been spilling until she felt the hot touch of the beverage on her leg. She jumped almost immediately and tried to clean everything while avoiding the knowing stare from Byakuya. Mainly because, what would the man known about…anything?

Byakuya waited for the woman to calm herself and go back to her former position before he started talking again. He noticed her eyes on him, the intensity of said stare along with the eagerness to know more. Gin was certainly a complete idiot, of that Byakuya has always been sure; to leave this woman drifting in the middle of the mess that was Aizen's plan was the worst Ichimaru could have done.

"I see he…" Rangiku shook her head gritting her teeth as she held onto the tears. "Idiot. What would he know about my happiness…"

"He certainly seemed to know pretty well about your feelings." Said Byakuya with his eyes fixated on the woman. "I think that's one of the main reasons he enjoyed torturing and annoying Hitsugaya-taichou so much."

Rangiku's eyes opened wide, she could feel the warm in her cheeks and the sudden coloring of red in them. What shocked her even more than this revelation was the fact Kuchiki Byakuya was smirking at her. He had this all-knowing smirk on his face, his eyes gleaming in triumph while Rangiku struggled to speak, to say something in her defense. To deny what it was so obvious by now.

"Now, let me tell you what he thought about Hitsugaya-taichou and you getting in a relationship with him…"

* * *

She didn't mean to be back at the office. Her goal was to go home, prepare a hot bath and relax while she would think about everything Kuchiki Byakuya had said to her. But she could sense her Taichou was still working, probably deep in some reports without paying attention to the time.

With a heavy sigh, she approached the office, wary as to what she would find there. Lately, the mood changes from Hitsugaya had been driving her mad with wonder, trying to see in which way she could help the man that means the world to her. But, so far, she had failed miserably and her Taichou probably was exasperated and miserable due to Hinamori still deep in a coma. Never, not in a hundred years, would Rangiku think that maybe Toshiro's behavior was due to the conflictive feelings she awoke in him.

The light inside the office was slowly diminishing, fading away in the darkness of the night. There was no sound in the compound; the cold breeze from the night would sneak inside the office by the only open window placed behind Toshiro's back.

Hitsugaya Toshiro was still sitting on his chair, but his head had fallen on top of some reports his left hand was hanging while his right one was on top of the table. He was deeply asleep, his facial features had a relax touch that, otherwise, he wouldn't be wearing.

Matsumoto couldn't help but smile at the adorable sight in front of her. Closing the door behind her, she approached the desk and kneeled right in front of her Taichou. This was one of those rare moments in which she could admire the handsome features of her taichou without being scared he may find her out. This was one of those moments in which she could raise her hand and caress his face, take his hand without him rejecting her.

When did it all happen?

When did her heart start beating for him instead of Gin?

When did she realize she would get nervous and excited to be around Toshiro? To receive a praise from him? To be at the ending side of one of his smiles?

Rangiku shook her head knowing perfectly well when all of this started. She mapped the line of Toshiro's jaw, careful with her touch as she learnt all the patterns, all the curves while watching him asleep.

Suddenly, he stirred and she was completely frozen. If he woke up, what would he do? Would he be mad? Would he be confused? Would he grabbed her and kiss her and…

"Hinamori…" Was all he whispered and Matsumoto was left there falling through a dark and deep void of loneliness.

* * *

**AN: **So, I things don't seem pretty well for Rangiku or even Toshiro, don't worry it will happen soon enough. But, I'm happy Byakuya is getting (finally) some...that pairing is one that I have always liked, so I thought what better chance than here to show it to the world. Anyway, suggestions? Opinions? I'm up for everything you have to say, all but flames...I like good criticism though.

Oh, remember, English isn't my native language so I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistake.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to comment!


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